Welcome to real life.

I blame Hollywood
I blame The O.C., The Office, Futurama and Scrubs.
The good guy always gets the girl at the end. The easygoing and descent guy always gets the girl…

No… That’s just not real life. What I’ve learnt with my entire passiveness, niceness and all that crap is that girls don’t fall for that. Therefore, I blame Hollywood… For giving us Seths, Jim, Fry and JD’s the hope that someday, the beautiful girl will fall for you, and nothings can stop you. Yeah… And pigs can dance.
Guys… Take my word for it. It doesn’t work.

Now… Let me tell you what to do…

Use pickup lines girls say they hate.
If they’re drunk enough, they’ll like it.
Prioritize any other thing before her.
Obviously, they like it.
Ignore her.
Oh Christ, that’s like relationship glue.

I really do think I’m girl-kryptonite… Every time I see a girl with her boyfriend. Once she sees me, she cuddles up in her boyfriend’s arms and starts to cuddle. What the hell? It’s like she’s thinking: “Oh God, I’m glad I’m with you and not that looser…” Yeeaaah… So I make girls run to other guys…
Hey… I’ve got an idea… Guys: I’m for hire! For 49.99$ an hour, I can make girls run to you!

Oh... I found out who the girl at work looks like! Mischa Barton. And I'm not kidding! Jeesus.